Kerala Relaxation continued

We left Munnar at daybreak and arrived in Kottyam, a region famous for its backwaters, newspaper industry and hot, humid weather. It was stupidly hot when we rolled into our bus station at midday. So hot that it made me dizzy. One of Victoria's coworkers' friends was our appointed guide in the city, and he suggested that we take in an ayurvedic massage to relax.

Ayurvedic massages are popular in the southwestern states, using oil therapy to help unblock energy channels in the body where abhyangam, the special body massage with medicated herbal oils, is prepared according to body constitution to provide unlimited curative powers for the body and mind. The treatments are anti-ageing and provide powers for the body and mind. Victoria had never even had a massage of any kind before, so we decided to try it at a local establishment that was supposed to be highly recommended.

To me, a massage is supposed to be an experience and a delight for all the senses. Some nicely scented oils, maybe some relaxing background music, some light pampering should all be part of the package. This was.... not the case.

We were dropped off in a nondescript building and after filling out some forms we were led down the halls of what I took to be an abandoned mental asylum. We passed empty rooms with rusty beds, shredded curtains and stained doors and windows. It was like walking through the set of The Hostel, or maybe Saw V. The attendant stopped before one room and told me to change and wait for further instructions. While waiting, I looked through the grimy windows and saw we were conveniently located beside a garbage dump, with cows perusing through the rubbish. The attendant came back for me, and led me to a dark room with a wooden cot, motioning for me to lie down. The massage began. It was interesting, mostly consisting of two girl swishing some very pungent oil over all of my limbs, face and hair. I closed my eyes to stop staring at the lone bare bulb that illuminated the room and to relax. However, this only served to heighten my sense of smell, and the fact that the cows by the dump had probably just relieved themselves right outside the room. A couple more swishes, then the girls left and instructed me to close my eyes and relax. Which is hard to do when people walk in and out of the room while you're splayed out on a table in your birthday suit, or wondering when the saw will appear. A thundershower broke soon afterwards, and while showering off the oils the power went out. Needless to say, the most relaxing part of the massage came when I walked out of the door.